Dear Nelson

I promised myself I wouldn't cry at the end of this class.

But on Wednesday May 18th at 2:15pm while I was swinging my backpack on my shoulder I heard Sol say "That was it." I asked "That was what?" "That was the last day of Creative Writing 2. It's over." Letting that sink in I hurried and said bye and left for my carpool wiping a tear as I hustled down the hallway eyes locked on the floor hoping no one would see.

Because the only thing worse than crying is having someone ask you why.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry at the end of this class. 

But on Friday May 20th at about 2:00pm Nelson stood up and spoke to us and your voice cracked a little like you were about to cry and I blinked hard to keep the tears in. I kept telling myself we still have Wednesday its not over we still have Wednesday. 

Because the most heartbreaking sound is that crack in someone's voice as they're about to cry. 

I promised myself I wouldn't cry at the end of this class. 

But I've never been good at keeping promises to myself. 

Nelson you changed my life. 

You helped me find what I love

You helped me make it through high school

You helped me accept myself

You helped me find the spark in life once more

You helped me realize that not everyone's opinion about me matters

You helped me to take risks

You helped me feel like I had a safe haven in the whirlwind of high school 

You helped me look at people in a new light

You helped me realize I didn't have to be just one thing, and that's okay

I have written in my journal several times about things that I wasn't ready to tell you yet but someday maybe I could. Well I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel ashamed or that I have to hide the darkness of the past. In 10th grade I had a really bad problem with self-harm. But now I'm over 2 years clean. In 11th grade I'd talk to Mr. Saunders because he noticed I wasn't okay. He asked me on a scale of 1-10 how suicidal I was and I answered 4 only because I was scared if I said higher he'd tell my parents. But now I'm 4 days from graduating and have my whole life ahead of me and I cannot wait. 

I cannot wait because you taught me I can do anything I put my mind to and I know how tacky and lame that sounds but right now I'm laying in my bed with my hair tied up in socks to curl it and I'm determined not to erase anything because I want this to be raw and I want this to be real. 

Nelson, chances are this is my last Dear Nelson ever.

So I really want to make this meaningful.

You've changed my life in ways I can't even begin to thank you enough for.

And I feel like this is dragging on and I really don't know what else to say other than thank you.

-Hannah Marie Nufer

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

I hope you don't forget me because you better believe I'll be stopping by your class in the future.