If You Really Knew Me

I was born December 2nd 1997 on a Tuesday

and I still consider myself a 90's kid

I remember VCR's and Nickelodeon Wonder balls 

                                           

I weigh 135lbs

133 on my sisters scale though

135lbs of sweaty palms and insecurity about my writing

I'm still learning the Lone Peak Fight Song and Dance

even though I am a senior

stomp clap stomp stomp clap stomp clap stomp stomp clap clap

that's all I got I think

I'm often taking naps in various spots in my house

but never my bed

I've never been to South America

and quite frankly, I never want to

Hello, I'm Hannah. 2 H's 2 A's 2 N's

Yes I know it's pretty

Yes I know it's common

and yes, I KNOW it's a palindrome

I wait all year for the Count Chocula cereal

I'm still snacking on a box I've stashed away

I still have my sweater from 4th grade

because I can't bring myself to throw anything away

ever

However if you really knew me

you'd know I hate my name

I cringe at the sound of it sorry all the Hannah's in the world

You'd know I'm jealous of my sisters

the oldest was born on Halloween so her name is Holly Wenday (Halloween Day)

the other was due on Christmas so her name is Merissa Christine (Merry Christmas)

my parents were going to name me Hannah Kaye (Hanukkah)

but decided not to

So now I'm just me

Hannah Marie

and it is very nice to meet you again

Paris Syndrome

Paris

wasn't what I expected

Noter Dame

was smaller than Disney made me imagine

Locals

intimidated me

The

Crepes

weren't as sweet as I dreamed they'd be

The

Eiffel Tower

wasn't even there

Well... at least not the real one,

the small one from Las Vegas stood in it's place

But that just wasn't the same 

I realized I hadn't actually landed in Paris yet

just had a 2 day layover in Vegas

or I fell asleep on the plane

But I just got on my flight now

I have my fingers crossed I land in Paris soon

You asked me what I was thinking, but didn’t understand my reply

I’m thinking about everything and nothing at all.

I’m thinking about how the wind asks the trees to waltz while the moon plays a melody that makes the flowers cry.

I’m thinking about how lonely it feel if I could be the stars for a day.

I’m thinking about how gracious and humble the sun is. Giving light and warmth to all those it touches, asking nothing in return.

I’m thinking about how the sun doesn’t let anyone near it in fear of hurting them.

I’m thinking about the secrets mountains tell each other while we all are sleeping.

I’m thinking about that one ant who thinks he’s an elephant and elephant who thinks he’s a ladybug.

I’m thinking about the doves who think they’re dodos and the penguins who dream of flying.

I’m thinking about the old swing set in my back yard never being touched for years and how sad it must’ve been when the first contact it had with people since then was my dad tearing it down.

I’m thinking about how roads spend their days staring up in the sky longing to be clouds so they can see the world too.

I’m thinking about the clouds who’d give anything to be a road to stay in one place instead of never really having a home.

I’m thinking about everything.
I’m thinking about nothing.

Things That I Rememer

I remember my first day of high school.

-It was scary and the halls were too crowded. 

I remember not knowing where to go for lunch until I saw Mason. 

-He helped me navigate through the crowds and ate with me. It was nice. 

I remember going to Nelson's class for the first time. 

-Jesse was in the class so I sat next to him. 

I remember doing my first ever writing prompt. 

-First impressions. 

I remember Nelson showed us his example. 

-He wrote that he had siblings of kids he taught before and mentioned my sister Holly and her double dutch skills.

I remember getting my worst grade ever. 

-It was a D+ in biology. 

I remember thinking that I disqualified for the Regents Scholarship 

-I knew from then on I wouldn't take physics or chemistry because what was the point? 

I rememember my first spirit bowl. 

-I covered my face in maroon paint. My team won. Mighty Maroon pride. 

I remember wondering if teachers ever thought of students and their lives at home. 

-I wondered if any of them would even care about what I had going on. Turns out they do.  

I remember my first high school boyfriend.

-It lasted less than a month. 

I remember sitting in 700 hall for lunch the first time. 

-I still do. 

I remember looking forward to graduating for so many years. 

-But I'm not ready for it to end yet. 

Film Festival

For Jessie Lyric Phoenix

I finally did it! Read every post and got my favorite line from each one. It's been really cool to be able to get to know you through your writing. You have such a strong voice. I love it. I am so sorry it's awfully late.

I thought I had a type, but then I saw you.

-You're so #different

My childhood was filled with crying and the word no.

-Do I Even Want my Crayons

The world is a canvas, and fall is a masterpiece.

-Fall... The Season

The water seems to smile.

-Silver

His is sent into the sky joining all the others.

-More Than Just a Hat

My sweet melodies from people ho have captured my highest respect.

-My Sweet Melodies

I seek the great perhaps in my life.

-Welcome

I am that look in your eyes I haven't seen in months.

-I am Everything

I knew I was never meant for someone great.

-Well Shit

A crossroads with infinite options.

-Thinking

It only adds a fire in your eyes.

-Depression Meets Happiness

I yearn for the days I could sit down and type out my feelings in beautiful sonnets.

-Trying

We want to fly.

-I've Been

I'd like to quote a person I hold dear in my heart.

-I don't Know

Do what you love instead of planning to do hat you love.

-Hello my old Heart

It's been a year now. I still miss you.

-Letters to the Hitchhikers in my Life

To embrace what's so far away.

-How to Shit on Your Life

I just want to be happy. I don't need money. I don't need fame.

-My Dark Passenger

I feel. I touch. I hear. I smell. I taste. I'm alive.

-I'm Alive

And mother nature was put there just so I can have my first kiss in the rain.

-What the Bricks

You took a part of me with you when you said your goodbyes. And I think there's a reason I haven't gotten it back yet... You are one "what if" I do not want to look back on.

-YOU

We may never have fallen in love, but all of us know what it is.

-LOVE. The Great Unknown

My life is an equation with a missing written number.

-Who am I

We've made life a competition. And the only prize is a wasted life.

-I'm not Human I'm Real

There's nothing wrong with taking a break.

-Life. Is. Hard.

Love got distracted by a butterfly.

-Face it

How do I make everyday memorable?

-What to Write

But darling we have Neverland.

-We Are The Lost Boys

I still can't decide if I was too much or if you were too lazy.

-To Every Boy I've Ever Loved Liked

Our imagination is our limit.

-Dreams

And sometimes perspective doesn't know where to draw the line. 

-Perspective

I wondered, what their stories were and suddenly I was making up a story for everyone I saw.

-Who Knows?

I evolved into a dreamer.

-When

Uncurl your soul, and search for the door where the air is fresh and crisp. You've been through enough. You deserve it.

-Depression is

Fake smiles and come unsewn.

-Alone

P.S.-Please tell me if you have read this because, well, it'd be nice to know.

-Words to You (Hopefully You Know Who You Are)

You know I'm a dreamer.

-In This World

Go ahead and look for that day. But also look at where you are now, And act. Live. Push on and fight.

-Day To Day

So screw the status quo.

-Realize

You'll always want to truthfully say, "I am real."

-I am Real

The clouds are covering the stars tonight.

-Stars are Gone

I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm worried, I'm a wall, I'm two different people, I'm confused, I'm never going to get out of this. I'm not going to fall in love with falling. 

-Lost

You think you know it all, More than I ever will, But I'll get to my ball, And your world will become still.

-To The Jackass

But it's hard when nobody believes in me.

-Ghost

Everyday you went out into life believing, knowing, that things were going to get better.

-Fix

I have more fear in me than bones and blood.

-Where the Truth Runs Free

I cannot just mindlessly choose something that will influence every aspect of my life.

-100% Not For You

Stop thinking and accept it.

-Doubt 

All we want is to die knowing that we achieved true happiness.

-Happiness

Life degraded me into a mere inconvenience.

-Fall

I thought true love could last.

-Hopeless

Something wrong, for all that's right.

-Only for Me

Born a costar.

-Keep Scrolling

Never will I let such a beautiful life go unnoticed.

-Goodbye

But best friends are never supposed to leave.

-My Dear Friend

It's just an illusion. A stupid meaningless illusion.

-Nothing but Dead Ends

I am what I am, So I'll do what I can, I'll speak my no's, And consider the pros.

-Courageous

And I'd rather have little than nothing at all.

-Inspired

So tell me. Where is your heart.

-Home

My life is me on roller coaster in pitch black. I don't know where I'm going, but the tracks are there, and they're taking me to the light.

-Something New

Even though it does have scratches it doesn't care, because when it is doing what it is designed to do it is happy, and it doesn't want your stupid fancy qualities, because, in it's own petite life, it. is. perfect.

-Not Just a Box

How can this world be real when it's so made up?

-How?

Because it's hard to admit, but I was falling for you.

-Untitled

Since I met you not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you.

-This Is Not A Poem, Nor Is It For You

I'm so antisocial that the only thing that can make me the slightest bit happy is sitting curled up in a corner with a book.

-Confession Time

I'm usually wrong.

-Where do I go From Here?

I walk through the halls feeing so small.

-Unfinished

Though I don't want it to end I'm only holding onto the stories from the past.

-A Tribute To A Friend

Darkness, It's all I feel.

-Darkness

You just know the world's out to get you sometimes, and sadly the world plays favorites.

-Life, Love, And Depression

Of course there's never just a beginning.

-The Beginning

Blackout Poetry