I wish I was Victoria

I wish I was Victoria. 

She's confident and open. She doesn't care what she posts no matter how dark or who she swears in front of in fear of her mother finding out. She will comment on blogs and participates in class.

I've tried to be more like Victoria. 

Writing in my spare time. And getting lost in the blogs. I swore in front of my mother this past week when I burnt my hand on the stove and got in a lot of trouble. I'll type out comments but delete them thinking they're too stupid and I raised my hand once but I guess Nelson didn't see.

Sorry mom.

However I am not Victoria.

I know this because I only got up for journal jam twice this semester. And both times my heart was pounding and my palms were sweating and I stumbled over all my words. I second guess my writing. Erasing instead of crossing out. I know Nelson says that creativity is the messy, raw stuff. But I just can't write in the margins.

You all know the Victoria side of me. 

It's time for the other side of me. 

I'm embarrassed when people read what I write in fear of the criticism. I can count the number of close friends, friends I can open up to, I have on one hand. It's 4. Crowds give me anxiety, yet I look forward to Comic Con every year. A lot of people don't believe me when I say I'm naturally blonde, because I've dyed my hair since 9th grade. I hate starting conversations and often come off as standoffish but I really do love talking with people. 

My name is Hannah Nufer. 

My creative writing journey is coming close to an end. I want to thank all of you for all the good times I've had so far and look forward to the rest of our time together as well. I've enjoyed reading your blogs and getting to know you that way. Maybe I'll work up the courage to say 'hi' in the hallways.